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Sunday, June 17, 2012

"The Promise"

I envy the Amish.

I moved here to get to know a man. His mother who has been like a mother and friend to me told me stories about him. Stories that made me love him, the idea of him anyway. He lived in another state with another family. A wife and a daughter that had come from a previous husband. I could share. I was sure this man had enough love to go around.

Six years later, just over a year ago I left that man's house. All he had to say was, "Wow, I can't believe it's come to this".

Sometimes its hard to think about those years. Those years are the reason if I ever have children, they will barely know what the word DVD is. So much escapism into film and it has consumed my life. Its the only truth I know.

He's had another child, one of the very few children I will tolerate. And it saddens me to see parts of my childhood in his. The television specifically. Although most of my favorite memories with him are in from of a television.

Yet now that things are changing, knowing I may never see him again: I bought him a card for Father's Day, one that was sappy but I knew was the right one. I doubt I will ever send him one like it again. I hope he knows, but I don't want to say it. Not really. Not aloud. I'm not that strong.

I believe fully that he did what he thought was right and I can't fault him for that. I chose to endure those year just to stay in his company, regardless of how much I wanted to leave. I stayed. And now I'll be gone. I just hope that we spent our time the best we could.

I promise you, I will...

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